1 00:00:01,903 --> 00:00:05,293 It seems today that all you see 2 00:00:05,383 --> 00:00:08,660 Is violence in movies and sex on TV 3 00:00:08,744 --> 00:00:12,294 But where are those good old-fashioned values 4 00:00:12,385 --> 00:00:14,376 On which we used to rely? 5 00:00:15,385 --> 00:00:18,616 Lucky there's a family guy 6 00:00:18,705 --> 00:00:23,621 Lucky there's a man who positively can do all the things that make us 7 00:00:23,706 --> 00:00:25,298 Laugh and cry 8 00:00:25,386 --> 00:00:30,620 He's a family guy 9 00:00:54,070 --> 00:00:58,030 Cuando la jefe oye de esto somos muertos! 10 00:00:58,111 --> 00:01:02,867 Recuerda si yo cierra la puerta de la garaje esta manana? 11 00:01:11,313 --> 00:01:13,508 (croaking) 12 00:01:16,953 --> 00:01:20,309 Dude, the Bronze Age was so much cooler than the Iron Age. 13 00:01:20,393 --> 00:01:23,625 The Iron Age could kick the Bronze Age's butt any day of the week. 14 00:01:23,715 --> 00:01:25,511 - Could not! - Could too! 15 00:01:27,435 --> 00:01:29,232 Ew, gross, man! 16 00:01:35,076 --> 00:01:39,672 - You OK? - Whoa! Everything's so... significant. 17 00:01:39,997 --> 00:01:43,876 - Dude, you gotta try this. - Not even! It's got your germs on it. 18 00:01:43,957 --> 00:01:45,948 Not this end. 19 00:01:48,798 --> 00:01:52,268 Ahh! I can see the air! And you know what else? 20 00:01:52,358 --> 00:01:57,308 I finally get Aaron Sorkin's Sports Night. It's a comedy that's too good to be funny. 21 00:01:58,198 --> 00:02:00,349 Dude, you're trippin'! 22 00:02:11,880 --> 00:02:14,998 Double the freshness, life is more fun 23 00:02:15,081 --> 00:02:18,869 When you're chewing the great taste of Doublefresh gum 24 00:02:19,841 --> 00:02:24,040 La-la-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la 25 00:02:24,122 --> 00:02:28,719 With Doublefresh gum! 26 00:02:30,283 --> 00:02:31,955 Hey, we should go to the circus. 27 00:02:32,283 --> 00:02:37,074 In local news, a new drug craze may have Quahog students licked. It's called "toad". 28 00:02:37,164 --> 00:02:39,679 The Colombian spotted toad, to be precise. 29 00:02:39,765 --> 00:02:44,793 When licked, these toads trigger an intense psychedelic euphoria that's... that's just great. 30 00:02:45,125 --> 00:02:48,084 This is awful. Now the drugs are in the schools? 31 00:02:48,166 --> 00:02:51,317 For you parents, toad-licking is also known as lily-padding, 32 00:02:51,406 --> 00:02:53,715 Frenching the prince, and doing Kermit. 33 00:02:54,126 --> 00:02:56,482 Well, at least our kids know better. 34 00:02:56,567 --> 00:02:59,001 What the...? Aargh! 35 00:02:59,487 --> 00:03:02,001 Hello, little sea monkeys. 36 00:03:02,087 --> 00:03:05,557 He's back. Don't look at him, honey. Eat your potatoes. 37 00:03:05,648 --> 00:03:06,717 (echoing thud) 38 00:03:06,968 --> 00:03:09,880 - Steve, do something. - Brenda, we've been over this. 39 00:03:09,968 --> 00:03:14,167 Let's just pick up our plates and go eat in the hollow castle. 40 00:03:16,209 --> 00:03:19,600 - Young man, where did you get this toad? - It's not mine. 41 00:03:19,690 --> 00:03:23,524 Believe me, you don't wanna mess with drugs. I tried 'em once-big mistake. 42 00:03:23,610 --> 00:03:25,761 Things got way too real. 43 00:03:26,610 --> 00:03:29,000 Holy crap, I am freakin' out! 44 00:03:30,332 --> 00:03:34,802 Peter, may I? You're walking down a hallway. You take a left. You keep walking. 45 00:03:34,891 --> 00:03:37,281 - Take a right. Then a left. Brick wall! - Yargh! 46 00:03:37,612 --> 00:03:41,162 - Yeah, he's tweaked. - Am not! Hey, maybe it's Meg's toad. 47 00:03:41,253 --> 00:03:45,212 Oh, now, don't you try to palm this off on your sister. She's a good girl. 48 00:03:45,293 --> 00:03:48,604 Oh, yeah? What about the time she strangled our other sister? 49 00:03:48,694 --> 00:03:52,130 Now, Chris, we told you that was just a very bad dream. 50 00:03:52,214 --> 00:03:55,605 - But I remember it so... - (both) It was a dream! 51 00:03:55,695 --> 00:04:00,211 - Mom, can you sign this for my field trip? - Sure, sweetheart. (gasps) 52 00:04:00,295 --> 00:04:01,808 Meg, you have a wart! 53 00:04:02,136 --> 00:04:04,934 How could you bring a toad into this house? 54 00:04:05,016 --> 00:04:08,407 It's not mine. I was just holding it for a friend. 55 00:04:08,496 --> 00:04:10,886 See... it was lunchtime. 56 00:04:13,697 --> 00:04:15,689 OK, Connie, you're up. 57 00:04:16,658 --> 00:04:18,455 Connie Demico does toad? 58 00:04:18,538 --> 00:04:22,895 I guess Miss Wears-A-Hat-All-The-Time is gonna nark on us, aren't you? 59 00:04:24,299 --> 00:04:27,211 - Mr Berler's coming! - Oh, man, we are so busted! 60 00:04:27,299 --> 00:04:29,291 Put it in here. He won't check me. 61 00:04:29,619 --> 00:04:34,819 What's going on back here? Oh, hello, Megan. Wait, you're not part of the popular clique. 62 00:04:34,900 --> 00:04:39,770 Run along and play alone somewhere. Shame on you all, getting her hopes up like that. 63 00:04:39,861 --> 00:04:41,897 I thought if I held Connie's toad, 64 00:04:41,981 --> 00:04:44,779 she'd make one of the cool guys ask me to the Snow Ball. 65 00:04:44,862 --> 00:04:48,537 You're holding drugs so someone will invite you to a dance? 66 00:04:48,622 --> 00:04:50,852 Meg, haven't we taught you better than that? 67 00:04:50,942 --> 00:04:54,458 Hold on, Lois. People do a lot of crazy things just to be accepted. 68 00:04:54,543 --> 00:04:57,296 (laughs) I don't know about this. 69 00:04:57,383 --> 00:05:00,261 We all did it. If you want to be a Supreme Court justice, 70 00:05:00,343 --> 00:05:04,132 you gotta pick up that cherry with your butt cheeks and drop it in that beer. 71 00:05:04,224 --> 00:05:06,455 - Come on! Come on! - Go, Suitor! Get busy! 72 00:05:06,545 --> 00:05:09,343 - Go, Suitor! Go, Suitor! - Cherry! Cherry! Cherry! 73 00:05:09,425 --> 00:05:13,259 Oh, my God! I can't believe he did that! 74 00:05:13,345 --> 00:05:16,257 - Go, Suitor! Go, Suitor! - Get busy! Get busy! 75 00:05:17,266 --> 00:05:18,858 Ohhh! 76 00:05:18,946 --> 00:05:21,779 I can't believe he did that! 77 00:05:21,866 --> 00:05:25,223 I can't believe he did that! This guy is so in! 78 00:05:25,307 --> 00:05:29,425 Oh, sweetheart, I'm sure all the boys wanna ask you to the dance. 79 00:05:29,507 --> 00:05:31,738 They're probably just shy or scared. 80 00:05:31,828 --> 00:05:35,662 Yeah, I was terrified of askin' Phoebe Diamond to the prom. 81 00:05:35,748 --> 00:05:39,264 I finally got up the guts, but I had this damn nervous twitch. 82 00:05:41,389 --> 00:05:43,744 - Um, Ph-Ph-Phoebe? - Yeah? 83 00:05:43,829 --> 00:05:49,063 Uh, I was wonderin' if... if... if you'd, uh, d-do me the honour of, uh... 84 00:05:50,230 --> 00:05:54,622 I had such a crush on her. Until I met you, Lois. 85 00:05:54,711 --> 00:05:57,020 You're my silver medal. 86 00:06:02,872 --> 00:06:05,512 Mr Toad, how many licks of you does it take 87 00:06:05,593 --> 00:06:08,505 to get to the centre of a Rhode Island state prison? 88 00:06:09,313 --> 00:06:11,269 (man) Just one. 89 00:06:12,193 --> 00:06:15,947 How could this happen? I thought we lived in such a nice small town. 90 00:06:16,034 --> 00:06:19,583 There's no such thing. Things are different than when we were kids. 91 00:06:19,674 --> 00:06:23,792 - Well, it just makes me sad. - It makes me sad too, but, uh, you know. 92 00:06:23,874 --> 00:06:28,790 I mean, if Meg's at risk, then so is Chris, and Stewie'll be in preschool before we know it. 93 00:06:28,875 --> 00:06:31,947 Well, we just have to trust our kids to stay off drugs. 94 00:06:32,035 --> 00:06:35,632 I do trust our kids. It's the other kids I don't trust. 95 00:06:35,717 --> 00:06:40,552 Yeah. Yeah, well, you know, I guess it's up to us as parents to be a part of the solution. 96 00:06:40,637 --> 00:06:44,347 - I'll go talk to the principal tomorrow. - Thanks, honey. 97 00:06:44,437 --> 00:06:47,396 - The safety word is banana. - I love you. 98 00:06:50,959 --> 00:06:54,315 And that's my plan, Principal Shepherd. So, are you with me? 99 00:06:54,719 --> 00:06:58,998 But... you didn't tell me anything. You just sat down and said "And that's my plan." 100 00:06:59,080 --> 00:07:01,674 Oh. Oh, right. OK, here's my idea. 101 00:07:01,920 --> 00:07:06,038 - And that's my plan, Principal Shepherd. - Well, Mr Griffin, I don't like it. 102 00:07:09,361 --> 00:07:11,238 (phone rings) 103 00:07:11,321 --> 00:07:15,759 I love it! You have the faculty's full support. But how will you pull it off? 104 00:07:15,842 --> 00:07:17,799 You let me worry about that, kitten. 105 00:07:27,403 --> 00:07:29,440 - (imitates screeching tyres) - Great. 106 00:07:29,524 --> 00:07:33,916 Hey, Meg. What's got four arms, four legs and one set of lips? 107 00:07:34,005 --> 00:07:37,077 You and me at the Winter Snow Ball. Heh-heh! 108 00:07:37,165 --> 00:07:40,441 Look, Neil, I don't... Oh, my God! 109 00:07:43,246 --> 00:07:45,282 Dad? Dad?! 110 00:07:45,726 --> 00:07:49,036 I'm not responding because I'm not this "Dad" person. 111 00:07:49,126 --> 00:07:51,799 I'm the new kid in town, Lando Griffin. 112 00:07:58,208 --> 00:08:00,881 Are you crazy? What are you doing here? 113 00:08:01,248 --> 00:08:04,524 I've gone undercover to get rid of the toad problem, 114 00:08:04,608 --> 00:08:08,045 so your school can be safe and innocent like the good old days. 115 00:08:08,129 --> 00:08:12,567 Negative B plus or minus radical B squared minus 4AC over 2A. 116 00:08:12,850 --> 00:08:17,799 That's correct. A girl answered a math problem. You know what that means. 117 00:08:18,570 --> 00:08:19,560 A witch! 118 00:08:19,651 --> 00:08:22,723 - Witch! She's a witch! - Witch! 119 00:08:22,811 --> 00:08:23,766 Witch! 120 00:08:23,851 --> 00:08:28,289 God, please tell me I have a brain tumour and this is all just a side effect from the chemo. 121 00:08:28,812 --> 00:08:31,565 - Hey, what are you doin' in my locker? - Your locker? 122 00:08:31,652 --> 00:08:34,769 Say, Phil, what do you say to happy hour after work? 123 00:08:34,852 --> 00:08:39,722 I'd say Cheryl's gonna have another black eye to explain to the neighbours. 124 00:08:40,533 --> 00:08:42,365 - Come on, I'm buyin'. - Oh, yeah. 125 00:08:43,293 --> 00:08:46,013 - Hey, man, cool specs. - Thanks, G. 126 00:08:46,094 --> 00:08:49,167 I'm the new kid in town, Lando Griffin. 127 00:08:49,255 --> 00:08:54,170 No relation. So, tell me, homeboy, how 'bout the baggy clothes we kids are wearin'? 128 00:08:54,255 --> 00:08:57,453 Aren't they phat and stupid and poppin' fresh? 129 00:09:00,056 --> 00:09:04,334 Hey, does anybody have any drugs? I'm lookin' to score some drugs. 130 00:09:04,656 --> 00:09:09,094 - Dad, get away from me. Connie is looking. - So that's toad girl, huh? 131 00:09:10,618 --> 00:09:13,337 Yeah. And that's Connie. 132 00:09:13,418 --> 00:09:16,615 I see. Well, I'm gonna have a little talk with that Connie. 133 00:09:16,698 --> 00:09:19,532 Huh! Good luck. She only talks to the cool kids. 134 00:09:19,619 --> 00:09:21,769 - Oh, yeah? Watch this. - No! 135 00:09:23,059 --> 00:09:24,651 Heeey! 136 00:09:29,140 --> 00:09:32,019 Agh! Agh! Ow! Oh, God! Agh! Ow! Ow! 137 00:09:32,101 --> 00:09:35,093 - Cool! He's bleeding! - Just like in the movies! 138 00:09:35,821 --> 00:09:37,095 Hm. 139 00:09:39,982 --> 00:09:42,780 Holy crap, it's The Breakfast Club. 140 00:09:42,862 --> 00:09:46,457 You know what I got for Christmas? It was a banner year at the Tiger house. 141 00:09:46,542 --> 00:09:50,421 I got a carton of cigarettes. Old man grabbed me, said "Hey, smoke up, Tony." 142 00:09:50,502 --> 00:09:53,655 "They're grrreat!" Bastard. 143 00:09:54,863 --> 00:09:56,616 (boy) Hey, Lando. 144 00:09:56,984 --> 00:10:01,376 Everyone's talking about how you trashed the jukebox. Classic cool. 145 00:10:01,465 --> 00:10:04,935 - We're gonna do some toad. You in? - You're gonna do toad?! 146 00:10:05,025 --> 00:10:08,620 - What's the big deal? - Lemme tell you about it, stud. 147 00:10:08,705 --> 00:10:10,776 You'll get chills 148 00:10:10,866 --> 00:10:13,460 All through your body 149 00:10:13,546 --> 00:10:17,825 And you'll lose all control 150 00:10:17,907 --> 00:10:19,897 Of your bladder 151 00:10:19,986 --> 00:10:21,943 And your sphincter 152 00:10:22,027 --> 00:10:24,905 That's your butt hole! 153 00:10:26,348 --> 00:10:28,384 Cos if you use toad 154 00:10:28,868 --> 00:10:31,019 Then I'm tellin' you 155 00:10:32,228 --> 00:10:35,266 You can kiss your life goodbye 156 00:10:35,349 --> 00:10:37,738 Yeah, when you use toad 157 00:10:37,829 --> 00:10:40,105 It'll mess you up 158 00:10:40,989 --> 00:10:44,301 It'll make your mama cry That's no lie 159 00:10:44,391 --> 00:10:46,585 You'll choke on your tongue and die 160 00:10:46,670 --> 00:10:48,263 Gotta give it up 161 00:10:48,351 --> 00:10:49,578 Give up the toad now 162 00:10:49,751 --> 00:10:51,070 It's no joke 163 00:10:51,151 --> 00:10:52,471 Buddy, give it up 164 00:10:52,552 --> 00:10:54,109 Gotta give up the toad now 165 00:10:54,191 --> 00:10:55,511 Or you'll croak 166 00:10:55,592 --> 00:10:56,820 Buddy, give it up 167 00:10:56,912 --> 00:10:58,630 You gotta give up the toad now 168 00:10:58,712 --> 00:10:59,986 And don't smoke 169 00:11:00,072 --> 00:11:01,903 Or you'll see 170 00:11:01,992 --> 00:11:04,268 It hurts to pee 171 00:11:04,353 --> 00:11:06,628 There'll be blood 172 00:11:06,713 --> 00:11:08,830 Gushin' from ya 173 00:11:08,914 --> 00:11:13,112 Every time that you cough 174 00:11:13,394 --> 00:11:17,593 And forget gettin' lucky 175 00:11:17,955 --> 00:11:19,946 It falls off 176 00:11:22,076 --> 00:11:24,350 Yeah, you'd better wise up 177 00:11:24,435 --> 00:11:26,631 Cos I'm tellin' you 178 00:11:27,796 --> 00:11:30,516 Toad is what Lando forbids 179 00:11:30,917 --> 00:11:33,351 Gotta give it all up 180 00:11:33,437 --> 00:11:35,905 Or you're gonna see 181 00:11:36,637 --> 00:11:38,913 Your whole life will hit the skids 182 00:11:38,998 --> 00:11:42,547 And your kids will be born without eyelids 183 00:11:42,638 --> 00:11:43,912 Gotta give it up 184 00:11:43,998 --> 00:11:45,351 Give up the toad now 185 00:11:45,438 --> 00:11:47,077 Thanks to you, Lando 186 00:11:47,159 --> 00:11:48,227 Give it up 187 00:11:48,318 --> 00:11:49,877 Give up the toad now 188 00:11:49,959 --> 00:11:51,791 Thanks to you, Lando 189 00:11:51,880 --> 00:11:54,314 Give it up Gotta give up the toad now 190 00:11:54,400 --> 00:11:55,719 Ooh, ooh, ooh 191 00:11:55,800 --> 00:11:57,631 I'm no fool 192 00:11:57,720 --> 00:12:00,030 Lando's cool 193 00:12:00,680 --> 00:12:02,433 Yeah! 194 00:12:02,841 --> 00:12:04,797 - You're the coolest, Lando. - Yeah. 195 00:12:04,881 --> 00:12:07,919 We never broke into song and dance before you arrived. 196 00:12:08,002 --> 00:12:10,470 I'll never touch another toad. None of us will. 197 00:12:10,562 --> 00:12:11,995 - Yeah. - No way, man. 198 00:12:12,082 --> 00:12:14,994 - I know I won't. - You never did it in the first place. 199 00:12:15,082 --> 00:12:19,599 - God! You're such a wannabe loser. - Oh, yeah? If I'm such a loser, 200 00:12:19,683 --> 00:12:22,277 how come I'm going to the Snow Ball with Lando? 201 00:12:22,363 --> 00:12:26,516 Meg, you got a date?! Oh, wait till I tell your mother! 202 00:12:26,604 --> 00:12:29,642 Who I'm looking forward to meeting. 203 00:12:29,725 --> 00:12:32,364 And I hope is making Steak Ums tonight. 204 00:12:32,445 --> 00:12:36,677 - Hey, Meg, wanna ditch and go to the mall? - Sure! See ya, Lando. 205 00:12:38,006 --> 00:12:41,999 This is great. Not only did I live long enough to see Meg go to her first dance, 206 00:12:42,086 --> 00:12:45,796 but I'm takin' her too. Thanks, Geritol. 207 00:12:47,607 --> 00:12:49,916 And they swore they'd never do toad again. 208 00:12:50,328 --> 00:12:54,241 Dad never came to sing at my school. I don't want dessert! 209 00:12:54,688 --> 00:12:58,124 I tell you, Lois, high school's a lot more fun this time around. 210 00:12:58,208 --> 00:13:02,805 And it's a lot safer now that all the kids have guns. And today in study hall, 211 00:13:02,889 --> 00:13:05,881 I farted real loud on purpose to make the guys laugh, 212 00:13:05,969 --> 00:13:10,202 and I swear to God it was so heinous Susie Johnson ralphed up her Salisbury steak. 213 00:13:10,290 --> 00:13:13,282 I'm sorry, is this really proper dinner conversation? 214 00:13:13,370 --> 00:13:17,330 I'm glad you taught those kids they don't have to do drugs to be popular. 215 00:13:17,411 --> 00:13:21,882 He sure did! Who needs drugs when you go to the dance with the coolest guy in school? 216 00:13:21,971 --> 00:13:25,408 Going with Dad is gonna skyrocket me up the popularity food chain. 217 00:13:25,492 --> 00:13:30,521 It's true. Soon members of the math club will be attaching themselves to your underbelly. 218 00:13:30,613 --> 00:13:34,003 Wait a minute. Peter, you can't take Meg to a school dance. 219 00:13:34,413 --> 00:13:36,974 How long do you think you can keep up this charade? 220 00:13:37,294 --> 00:13:39,410 Just till Friday! Please, Mom? 221 00:13:39,894 --> 00:13:42,772 - Well, if this is what you want. - (phone rings) 222 00:13:42,854 --> 00:13:45,323 Oh, it's probably Connie calling for me. 223 00:13:45,934 --> 00:13:47,414 Hello? 224 00:13:47,495 --> 00:13:50,293 Oh. Yeah, hold on. It's for Lando. 225 00:13:51,175 --> 00:13:52,848 Aloha! 226 00:13:52,936 --> 00:13:54,527 No way! 227 00:13:54,615 --> 00:13:58,053 Uh... uh, hold on. I'm gonna take this in the other room. 228 00:13:58,137 --> 00:14:00,128 I got it! 229 00:14:01,017 --> 00:14:02,006 Hang up! 230 00:14:02,097 --> 00:14:05,773 Mother, this could almost have passed for a palatable banana pudding, 231 00:14:05,858 --> 00:14:11,455 but without Nilla wafers, it's just another one of your wretched culinary abortions! 232 00:14:12,738 --> 00:14:13,774 Clean it up! 233 00:14:19,460 --> 00:14:21,256 I don't think so. 234 00:14:22,420 --> 00:14:26,333 Neil, I'm a little out of your league. Besides, I'm going with Lando. 235 00:14:26,420 --> 00:14:29,139 Really? My underground sources have informed me 236 00:14:29,220 --> 00:14:31,894 that Lando is taking Connie Demico. 237 00:14:31,981 --> 00:14:33,175 What?! 238 00:14:33,821 --> 00:14:36,256 Hey, I thought you were taking me to the dance! 239 00:14:36,342 --> 00:14:37,251 Uh... 240 00:14:37,341 --> 00:14:39,537 Something suddenly came up. 241 00:14:44,103 --> 00:14:48,255 - How could you do this to Meg? - Not now, I gotta write about Oliver Twist. 242 00:14:48,344 --> 00:14:53,020 Oliver Twit, if you ask me. I would have done things rather differently, I can tell you that. 243 00:14:56,865 --> 00:14:59,538 Please, sir, I want some more. 244 00:14:59,905 --> 00:15:04,262 - What? - Please, sir, I want some more. 245 00:15:04,546 --> 00:15:05,820 More?! 246 00:15:05,905 --> 00:15:09,615 All right. Stop it. Stop it right there. Now, go on, fill up the bowl. 247 00:15:09,706 --> 00:15:11,901 Go on! That's it. 248 00:15:11,986 --> 00:15:14,705 Now put on this dress. 249 00:15:14,786 --> 00:15:16,743 Put it on! 250 00:15:17,027 --> 00:15:19,302 Now dance. 251 00:15:21,428 --> 00:15:26,822 Hey. Hey, Brian, the guy who wrote this, his name? Charles Dickens. 252 00:15:26,909 --> 00:15:29,343 - Oh, yeah. - I want an explanation, mister. 253 00:15:29,429 --> 00:15:33,138 Hey, Connie pulled a power move. When the most popular girl in school 254 00:15:33,229 --> 00:15:37,781 asks you to the dance, you don't say no, you say "Haba-haba-haba... OK." 255 00:15:38,190 --> 00:15:41,865 I can't understand why you'd dump your daughter for Connie Demico. 256 00:15:41,951 --> 00:15:43,748 It's simple transference. 257 00:15:43,830 --> 00:15:47,905 To Peter, Connie Demico is Phoebe Diamond, the most popular girl in his school. 258 00:15:47,992 --> 00:15:50,301 Oh, my God. I think he's right. 259 00:15:50,392 --> 00:15:54,829 When I try to speed things up in bed, I'm not thinkin' of Connie, I'm thinkin' of Phoebe. 260 00:15:54,912 --> 00:15:58,462 This whole thing is ridiculous. I forbid you from goin' to that dance. 261 00:15:58,553 --> 00:16:01,545 You can't tell me what to do. You're not my real mom! 262 00:16:01,633 --> 00:16:04,706 - End of discussion! - Thank you for ruining my life! 263 00:16:04,794 --> 00:16:07,103 You don't remember what it's like to be my age! 264 00:16:07,194 --> 00:16:09,549 I'm two years younger than you! 265 00:16:10,754 --> 00:16:12,746 I hate you! 266 00:16:17,835 --> 00:16:21,431 Greg Allman, how did you handle it when life got you down? 267 00:16:21,516 --> 00:16:26,032 Me? I did a lot of drugs, married some broad named Cher... 268 00:16:26,116 --> 00:16:28,915 and I wouldn't recommend either one of 'em. 269 00:16:30,637 --> 00:16:33,391 I gotta fight for my right to party. 270 00:16:41,319 --> 00:16:43,388 Whoa-ah! Argh! 271 00:16:46,199 --> 00:16:48,759 - Thanks, Spider-Man. - Everybody gets one. 272 00:16:51,359 --> 00:16:54,158 - Sweetie? - You married a total jerk! 273 00:16:54,481 --> 00:16:58,679 Honey, he didn't mean to hurt you. And, you know, you could still go to the dance. 274 00:16:58,761 --> 00:17:03,199 Alone? Why don't I just tattoo a big L on my forehead while I'm at it? 275 00:17:03,282 --> 00:17:06,513 - Now, Meg, you know my feelings on tattoos. - (Meg sniffs) 276 00:17:06,602 --> 00:17:10,960 If you stay home, you're just proving to the other kids that you don't belong there. 277 00:17:11,043 --> 00:17:14,922 - Yeah. - And you might have a really good time. 278 00:17:15,003 --> 00:17:18,599 I'll tell you one thing. I still regret not goin' to my junior dance. 279 00:17:19,804 --> 00:17:23,274 But, Daddy, if you don't do what they say, they'll kill me! 280 00:17:23,364 --> 00:17:27,040 Sorry, pumpkin, we don't negotiate with kidnappers-family policy. 281 00:17:27,125 --> 00:17:29,320 Daddy, no. Please! Please! 282 00:17:33,126 --> 00:17:34,274 She'll be all right. 283 00:17:34,726 --> 00:17:36,796 Come on, what do you say? 284 00:17:36,886 --> 00:17:40,880 Well... I do have that really slutty dress you hate. 285 00:17:45,167 --> 00:17:50,162 So, uh, Lando, how old did you say you were again? 286 00:17:50,247 --> 00:17:51,840 17. 287 00:17:52,968 --> 00:17:55,118 And a half. (gasps) 288 00:17:55,208 --> 00:17:58,599 Sweet statutory, you look beautiful! 289 00:17:59,929 --> 00:18:04,606 Don't worry, I'll take good care of your kid. I got a daughter of my own, you know. 290 00:18:08,930 --> 00:18:12,241 (Peter) Please leave the light off. I don't want to be seen. 291 00:18:12,571 --> 00:18:15,370 I imagine you wouldn't, the way you've been acting. 292 00:18:15,891 --> 00:18:20,249 - I thought you might say something like that. - Well, you do have it coming. 293 00:18:20,332 --> 00:18:23,723 I convinced Meg to go to the dance, so I'm gonna go drop her off. 294 00:18:24,052 --> 00:18:26,408 Please don't yell. I've learned my lesson. 295 00:18:26,493 --> 00:18:30,327 - I wasn't yelling. I was just sayin' that... - Oh, you would bring that up. 296 00:18:30,413 --> 00:18:34,009 - Can't you leave the past where it belongs? - What's wrong with you? 297 00:18:34,094 --> 00:18:38,565 Because I've already explained that to you. It was a scavenger hunt. 298 00:18:38,854 --> 00:18:40,845 What the hell is goin' on here? 299 00:18:40,934 --> 00:18:46,214 Lois, if you still haven't discovered I'm gone, please flip the tape over to side B. 300 00:18:46,655 --> 00:18:50,171 ("Get Outta my Dreams, Get Into my Car" by Billy Ocean) 301 00:19:00,778 --> 00:19:02,608 Nice moves, Lando. 302 00:19:02,697 --> 00:19:06,816 OK, everyone. The votes are in. This year's king and queen are... 303 00:19:07,338 --> 00:19:09,409 Lando Griffin and Connie Demico! 304 00:19:09,499 --> 00:19:11,649 Oh, my goodness! Oh! 305 00:19:23,460 --> 00:19:25,656 Hold it. I can't be your king. 306 00:19:26,861 --> 00:19:30,172 I have a confession. I've been living a lie! 307 00:19:30,262 --> 00:19:33,334 I shouldn't be here... with Connie. 308 00:19:33,422 --> 00:19:36,334 - My first choice was Meg Griffin. - What? 309 00:19:36,422 --> 00:19:39,858 Meg Griffin! She's right over there in the back. 310 00:19:40,623 --> 00:19:44,457 Ri... No, no, no, to the left. No, no, you had her. No, no, go back, go back. 311 00:19:44,543 --> 00:19:49,299 You got a monkey workin' the spotlight. No, to the right, genius. Th-there. Stop. Stop. 312 00:19:49,384 --> 00:19:53,218 That's my dream girl. But I'm not good enough for her and she dumped me. 313 00:19:53,304 --> 00:19:59,141 So now, heartbroken, I will ride recklessly into the night and up Dead Man's Curve. 314 00:19:59,225 --> 00:20:01,614 Goodbye, Meg. I love you. 315 00:20:01,705 --> 00:20:04,379 (rockabilly ballad) 316 00:20:13,667 --> 00:20:17,422 - Meg, wanna dance? - I was here first. Meg, dance with me? 317 00:20:23,428 --> 00:20:26,387 - Neil, would you...? - I would be honoured. 318 00:20:26,469 --> 00:20:27,982 Thanks! 319 00:20:38,711 --> 00:20:42,101 And Lando Griffin, a popular student at a local high school, 320 00:20:42,191 --> 00:20:46,105 was killed last night when his motorcycle careened off Dead Man's Curve. 321 00:20:46,432 --> 00:20:51,302 Police were baffled when no body was found, but they decided not to ask questions 322 00:20:51,393 --> 00:20:54,271 and just let everyone get on with their lives. 323 00:20:54,353 --> 00:20:58,187 - I'm so proud of you. - Oh, Daddy, thank you so much! 324 00:20:58,273 --> 00:21:02,631 - I was the most popular girl at the dance. - Oh, anything for you, sweetheart. 325 00:21:02,714 --> 00:21:05,786 Well, I'm off to popularity. Ciao! 326 00:21:06,194 --> 00:21:08,583 God, I hate that manly walk of hers.